How to Get Through Chinese Customs Without a Visa and Without a Clue Where You Are.

On March 31st I set off on an adventure from Los Angeles, California with a one way ticket to Phuket, Thailand. I was booked on China Eastern Airways, which reminded me of a 1980s commercial that I'd seen once years ago--the commercial I have in mind was a Southern Airlines ad, where a somewhat tattered and bewildered man is ushered through the first class of a plane complete with caviar, champagne and lobster platters only to be deposited into a distinctly Soviet-looking, seatless hovel behind a woolen grey blanket. It shouldn't be too hard to discern which part of the plane China Eastern is reminiscent of. That being said, it was not very crowded and the food was top of the line as far as airplane food flavors go, I can't vouch for the actual quality of it but it is safe to say that it is much nicer to eat airplane Chinese food than airplane American food.

After the first eleven hours of movie-less flying (they had screens that hung around the aircraft at random but they mainly played Chinese films, and one time an Indian-looking film but cast with Chinese actors, which was mildly amusing for about 20 mins) I had finished an entire 300 page book: The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton, and we were finally touching down in China where I knew I had a connection to Phuket. I was slightly nervous about this connection because a flight attendant had already informed me in haphazard English that I would have to exit the terminal to pick up my bags and go back through customs again, and I couldn't be sure how this would be received in a Chinese city where I did not have a Chinese tourist visa. But, I assumed it must happen all the time so I tried to maintain confidence.

My ticket informed me that my stopover was in Kunming, China--a town I had never heard of before. The time of arrival was around midnight, but my internal clock was so askew that I did not really know if I was tired or not. I knew that somehow I had completely skipped Easter Sunday by flying through so many timezones and traveling a day ahead. While going through customs to gain entry into China I tried my best to explain that I was only stopping through and needed to collect my bags and go back through the airport, after a bit of uncertainty and a couple of military Chinese officers consulting with each other and sizing me up and down they stamped my passport with a temporary visa that was good for 24 hours. So I headed towards the baggage claim, under the belief that I had two hours until my flight was scheduled to take off again.

After thirty minutes of waiting at the baggage claim there was no sign of my bag and only the same sad handful of luggage items that went round and round the conveyor belt, without anyone to save them. I again tried to explain my situation to a Chinese airport employ but he only shook his head at me and then consulted with a few other Chinese people around him, finally a young traveller assured me that my bag was already on the next flight. I had no choice but to trust this girl because the man would not allow me to file a claim for my bag. So I headed off to the arrivals hall to get my next ticket (my Thailand ticket had not been given to me and I was told I'd have to get it in China) and to check back into the airport.

When I did not see any flights to Thailand listed on the departures board, I once again consulted with a Chinese airport employ at the service desk. There was much confusion at this point and many other employees were consulted and one person took my passport for a disconcerting amount of time. Finally, one employee asked me,

"where is Thailand?"

I hurriedly got out my Thailand travel guide and held it up to them, hoping it would provide clarity. They then took the book from me and consulted together a bit more. A woman then turned to me apologetically from the group and said,

"there are no planes to Thailand tonight."

I was floored and slightly panicked. But one man amongst the group was undeterred and beckoned me to follow him to another counter. He ran my passport through a machine and did lots of inputting figures on a computer. Then he raised his arm and beckoned for a young military officer who he spoke to in a rapid Chinese dialect and the officer nodded coherently and motioned for me to follow him. Together we crossed the airport arrivals hall and went to the start of the line for the domestic flights security check. I was beyond confused here but waited diligently until another officer took my passport and the makeshift, handwritten ticket that I had been provided by my assembly of airport staffers and he shook his head firmly. He pointed towards the international departures hall. So I walked over there and started to wait but my young officer was quick to intercept me and lead me back to the domestic hall again where he yelled at the other officer who had pointed towards the international hall. This latter officer then made a . noise that I will put down to his dawning comprehension of my situation, which at this point I still was completely in the dark of, then he said to me loudly,

"You need to go to Kunming!"

"What!?" I asked horrified, "but this is Kunming!"

"Noooooo, This is not Kunming. You go to Kunming now." And he pointed towards the domestic security line. At this point I felt exactly how Macauley Culkin must have felt when he arrived in New York City in Home Alone 2, except this was the grown up version where you arrive in an unknown Chinese city and have no idea how you got there or what to do next. So I simply waited in the domestic departures line and presented my handwritten ticket, which was not a problem in the least for anyone there it seemed. Then I walked into the terminal and headed towards the gate that had been circled in red on my piece of paper. There, sure enough, was a flight leaving to Kunming, which I was allowed to board and which was in the process of its final boarding call. Relieved but still dismayed I took my seat on this even emptier Chinese Eastern flight and watched with wonder as we took off from the transient and unreal place where I had wondered aimlessly for the last hour and a half. I had no idea where I had been or if I had been right to go through customs.

But we then proceeded to fly for another four hours towards the real Kunming, China where I had to go through customs again, and this time at the baggage claim, my bag was waiting for me. At the real Kunming there was a listed flight headed to Phuket and it was comparatively painless to go to the international departures terminal and find my gate to Thailand. When several hours later I finally landed in Phuket, a wall of humid heat him me full force, despite its being 3am but I couldn't be happier to have finally, 20-some hours later, arrived at my final destination. My friend Tyler was waiting for me with a couple of Thai beers, and we grabbed a taxi for the long and winding ride back to his hotel that he shared with his girlfriend Sara and where they already had an extra bed ready for me. Around 4am I collapsed on the bed with eagerness and exhaustion. I had survived and felt better prepared to find my way anywhere.